It seems like there is a month or day for everything now: Best Friend Day, Doughnut Day, Wine Day (obviously all days that I am here for). Then there are more serious days: HIV Awareness Day, Earth Day, Take a Loved One to the Doctor Day. Again, all days I can get behind.
And of course, you have Black History Month, Women’s History Month, Breast Cancer Awareness Month, Domestic Violence Awareness Month, and on and on.
There is a new month gaining momentum that I will definitely jump on board with: Fibroid Awareness Month!
That’s right, July is Fibroid awareness month! It know that at this point, July is pretty much over, but its still something worth knowing. This is a new initiative, and its headed by the White Dress Project, a non profit who’s mission is to “galvanize support and promote awareness about the fibroid epidemic among women domestically and globally through education, research and advocacy.“
They are working to get each state to officially recognize July as Fibroid Awareness Month, and they sponsor events to help spread fibroid awareness and offer support for those that have been through or are going through a battle with fibroids. So far Georgia, New York, Florida, and the city of New Orleans are officially recognizing July as Fibroid Awareness month due to the White Dress Project’s efforts.
I love this organization and concept already. As I have said here time and time again, awareness and education a so very important in regards to fibroids (and many other things). Infertility has National Infertility Awareness Week (maybe that can move to a month one day), there is a PCOS (Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome) Awareness month in September, so why not fibroids? The fact that uterine fibroids are such a common disease, but the research and amount of conversation and awareness is so small is a shame. On a wider note, so many gynecological conditions outside of cancer are not discussed in the women’s health discussion.
So even though there are only 5 more days left in the month, there is still time to celebrate an do your part!
Of course, you can start by telling your story. Education and awareness starts with that one simple act.
Want to do more? You can sign this petition petition to receive a presidential proclamation to make July Fibroid Awareness Month.
I know I’m late, but the new thing I love is podcasts. I’m addicted. Serial. The Read. Freakanomics. I even sub to a wedding planning pod cast. They’re entertaining, informative, and they help me get through my long commute home, so I’m always looking for a new show to subscribe to.
I recently started listening to Death. Sex. Money. , which describes itself as “A podcast about the big questions and hard choices that are often left out of polite conversation.” Since I newly discovered this series, I’ve been catching up on past episodes. So far, an excellent pod cast and quickly becoming a favorite.
Today’s catch up episode was from April 25, 2015. An interesting interview until the subject uttered this sentence: “I think people without children should not be allowed to vote”
Insert record scratch.
There are so many great side eye GIFs out there, selecting one was difficult. But the Dowager wins today. Me when I heard his “joke”
The person speaking was W. Kamau Bell. Comedian, blogger, and former talk show host. Now to be clear, I know that it was said in jest, because, he is a comedian. However, I still found it not funny and incredibly insensitive. I was offended, and actually a little shocked. I don’t think he was trying to be an asshole, but that’s definitely how he came off in that moment.
I admit, I don’t know a whole lot about Bell, and I wasn’t very familiar with him before his talk show, Totally Biased. I know he’s a comedian. I’ve liked most of what I have seen from him, which is why I picked that episode to listen to. I wanted to learn more about him. From what I have heard from him in the past, and even in that particular interview up to that point, he is an intelligent and aware individual.
So why then, even as a joke, would he say something like that?
What he was trying to say, in a horrible, inconsiderate way, is that parents see the world differently than they did prior to becoming parents, and make most, if not all decisions considering the lives of their children, knowing even the smallest decision affects their lives. I get it, but the premise is still a little off.
Now, it’s really not my thing to be the comedy police. As they say “everything ain’t for everybody”, so if I don’t find a comedian (or comedienne) funny, I just don’t listen to their comedy or watch their shows (I’m looking at you, Kathy Griffin and Martin Lawrence. Black Card revoked for the Martin thing, I know). However, some things, to me, are universally not funny: racist jokes, violence against women centered jokes, sexual abuse jokes, etc. I say all this to say that I’m not bashing Bell as a comedian, or even as a person. I am simply saying that he is representative of what the world thinks of us child free women, and men: We are some sort of selfish, not-fully-formed, adult-type person.
Yes. Being a parent changes you. I don’t think anyone would argue that point. And yes, I’m sure as a parent, your decision making shifts. But the implication here, is that somehow, by not being a parent, you are incapable of making quality, well thought out, long range decisions. Which then implies that by not being a parent, you are some how less of an adult.
I haven’t even gotten to the sheer insensitivity this shows towards the 1 in 8 couples who literally can’t have children.
So even as a joke, he’s essentially saying that because someone consciously chooses not to, or is unable to procreate, They should be denied a civil right? Cut out of a crucial function society. No better than a felon to him I guess. (BTW, I am not someone in favor of felons losing their right to vote once they have served their time)
The couple that has spent thousands upon thousands of dollars just to become parents doesn’t have a stake in the healthcare system here in this country? I mean, they have only been navigating through it for years. What could they possibly know since they don’t yet have any children?
“Its just jokes.” “Why are you going so deep with it?” “Calm down.” You might be saying.
I get it, he’s a comedian, and a new dad, so its just for fun, and he’s experiencing the world in a new way right now. Cool. But I should hope those two things don’t instantly render you insensitive or arrogant.
For so many people, that was just a flippant, funny thing to say. But for the couple who just suffered a second miscarriage, or is on the fourth round if IVF, its painful.
To the women and men who have made the choice not to become a parents, it’s down right insulting.
To Kamau I say:
Come on, bruh.
In the words of one of my podcast faves, Crissle, Words mean things. Even as a joke, words can be painful. You as a Black man should know this. Choose your words wisely.
Being child free, rather by choice or circumstance, does not invalidate ones humanity or adultness. For those who are childless by circumstance, that type of statement can be painful.
If you have an issue with my child free status, take that up with God.
Update: Per Kamau’s twitter I stumbled upon this conversion. Looks like he stands by his “joke”, which is unfortunate.
To know me and this blog is to know this is my mantra. Infertility can be very isolating. When you look around and everyone has a kids, or is pregnant, or asking you about getting pregnant, you begin to feel this sense of separation. I’ve said here a few times that there is a feeling that you’re not a complete woman. Your body is betraying you every. single. day. How do you explain your situation or answer people’s questions without drawing pity, which you definitely don’t want, or those awkward “just relax” or “keep trying” responses? So, you decide it’s better to keep it to yourself. Who needs that extra drama?
You want to talk to your best friend, or your mom about it, but how can you really? They don’t truly understand. They mean well and love you, and they want to support you, but its a hard thing to relate to. My best friend has 5, yes 5 children! (who are awesome by the way) I keep my fertility struggle conversations with her to a minimum. Not because she doesn’t care. Not because she is uninterested (she asks for updates all the time), but because how can she understand? Trouble getting pregnant is a foreign concept to her. She is the exact opposite of infertility.
I was watching Teen Mom (the new episodes with original girls) the other day, and one of them went in for a wellness exam. The doctor was listening to the baby’s heartbeat, and asked if she could feel the baby moving. I started crying. Why? Because that is an experience I may never have. When you have those types of moments, who can understand that rush of emotion other than someone else who is or has been where you are?
But think about it: 1 in 8 couples are facing infertility. So, you are not alone. The next time you’re at church (mosque, synagogue), at a family reunion, dinner party, on the train, at the mall, in the hair salon, running a 5K, know that at least one more woman (or man) in the crowd is struggling with fertility.
I know it can be emotionally draining. I know it makes you vulnerable. I know sometimes you just don’t want to be bothered. But….
Share your story. There are women that need to hear from you. They need the support and assurance that they are not alone. It doesn’t have to be a big thing. You don’t have to tell the world, just be there for one person. That can make all the difference.
Start a support group at your church or community group.
Be there for someone who is struggling with infertility
Post an Infertility article on your social media platforms
Even better:
Post about NIAW on social media. Share a link to NIAW and Resolve.
I will be honest, what has helped me a lot is having someone to talk to, really two people.
I have a co-worked that had a myomectomy about 4 weeks before I had mine. We started talking about our fibroid battles, and found out we have similar fertility issues. We share articles, random facts, advice from doctors, and sometimes, just our frustrations.
I also have a friend who is about 10 years older than me, but she had infertility issues and had two wonderful sons via IVF. This was in the 90s when it was still a weird and strange thing, especially in the Black community. Her support and advice has meant a lot.
Then of course, I have this blog. I know my presence isn’t big, and its not the flashiest or most consistent blog out there, but to know that people visit or follow my blog, and I am doing my part to help someone make it through; providing information, telling my story, and maybe providing a laugh or distraction, makes me happy.
A year ago, I decided to not just let this blog be an idea, but to actually do it! I didn’t know exactly what to do, or what to say (I still don’t a lot of the time), but I knew that I wanted to share my story and my experiences. I wanted to change the conversation. Hell, I just wanted to have the conversion about women suffering with uterine fibroids and infertility, especially within the Black community.
I wanted to create a space where women can talk about their struggle to conceive and not feel ashamed or misunderstood or be pitied. To talk about battling fibroids and not be dismissed because it’s not that serious”. A space to talk about all the crazy things that life throws at us and not feel alone. I wanted a space to call out Black women in particular: you don’t have to suffer in silence, my sister. Too often we suffer or carry burdens in silence and alone, not thinking there is someone else out there who is right where you are.
If we, as women, don’t speak up, how can we advocate for funding for research, insurance mandates,or educate others on these and other conditions? How can we support each other if no one will step up to say “I’m going through this now too” or “I went through this, you can talk to me.”?
But more than anything, I wanted a space that was fun. Dealing with infertility and other medical conditions can be a lot. Sometimes, you just want to laugh even in the middle of struggle.
My goal is and will be to educate, support, and uplift women.
Admittedly, I have fallen short. Balancing a full-time job and other commitments (throw in wedding planning now!) with regular blogging can be a challenge, but it is a challenge I am more than ready for!
I hope to go into year two learning more about women’s health, and the art of blogging. I want to reach out to others, bring awareness, grow this blog.
Thank Youto anyone and everyone who has followed, commented, re blogged, or just stopped by.
Special thanks to Word Press for the Blogging 101 class, and all of the resources WP provides new and established bloggers.
Maybe Mama 